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Maybe you have not yet divorced your estranged
spouse and are thinking: should we reconcile? Should we get back
together?
Your desire to reconcile is often a desire to
revive your passions and the hopes, the ones that you had at the
beginning of the relationship. To return to 'Go' and start over with a new role of the dice
is a scary thing to consider. Should you?
How to Decide
Take a blank piece of paper, any paper, and if you are inclined
you can create a spreadsheet or flow chart, it matters not the
medium. Across the top draw a single line, and down the centre
draw another line. At the top on one side write the word STAY.
The other side gets MOVE ON.
There is no secret or trick to this; simply write down every
reason or excuse for saving or ending your marriage. This writer
remembers being asked to make a list of all the possible uses
for the lowly paper clip. Writing down one use leads to another
and another, the list reached 50 ideas within two minuets. At
another table their list numbered 110. The point my friend is to
just jot down, pro and con. Your list might take a life of its
own, growing hour by hour, day by day.
At least three things will happen.
- You will come to a decision.
- You will have clearer understanding of the issues.
- You have the beginnings of a course of action
Staying means taking action and making one more commitment to
your marriage. That commitment is not yours alone. You both have
issues to resolve. It is not prudent to take the easy road by
ducking the issues. Face them head on. Pay the price in the
currency of hard work and honest communication, without it
couples often fall back into old habits.
A recommendable course
of action is joint marriage counseling, and in many cases joint
financial counseling.
Moving on means acceptance, and closes the option of going back
into the marriage. While it may be sad, it also frees you to
look to your future without the complications of all the "what
if's".
Moving on can be like passing Go and collecting your
$200, knowing the next trip around the block might be better
than the last.
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