|
Enlightenment comes to Zen monks in silent meditation. With this in mind, here is an extremely bold idea for a date.
To start: you
date has to be "up" for this. Do not just spring it on them!
Before you start, make this firm rule: Neither you nor your date will speak a single word for the duration of the date. That’s right! You both will take an oath of total silence.
To be silent is tremendously difficult for all of us who live in the modern world. We live in the Age of Information. Everywhere is the constant clamor of communication. Radios play, TVs blare, people everywhere babble into cell phones, even when they have nothing to say. But if a person could just stop for a time to just listen and observe, tremendous new insights can be discovered about what it means to be alive today.
When you share your silence with a dating partner, you are
creating a huge opportunity to learn extremely subtle clues
about who this person really is, and what he or she is all
about.
Rules of the
Silent Date:
In addition to no talking, you will also keep all other forms of communications to a bare minimum. That means no writing notes, few or no hand signals, or any other form of symbolic communication. What you actually do on your silent date is not as important as the fact that you are dating in silence.
Choose an activity carefully.
If you go to a movie, you won't be able to discuss it.
If you go out to dinner, you would not be able to speak to the waiter when ordering food. Although you might handle this by simply pointing to the menu items, the idea is to shape the date around the fact that you won’t be saying anything.
Why try this crazy idea? Well, two silent people must double or triple
their other senses and do “beneath the skin.” The silent date can produce amazing insights about people. Interacting and observing with another person in silence is a powerful experience!
Also, if you cannot be comfortable with another person in silence, it
may be an indication that you will not be comfortable with that person in
other ways.
We all use mindless chatter to cover up for how we really feel. Weblurt out anything, just to fill those uncomfortable silent moments. When you date under an oath of silence, you are forced to accept your date on a more subtle level. You see deeper into their personality and psyche. In fact, it may take several silent dates to get the full effect of this. And consider this: After your silent date is over, you will have
great fun, we hope, sharing your silent-date experience.
For example, let’s say your silent date involves a walk in a park. Perhaps you both stopped to observe some wildflowers, or paused to gaze upon a water pond. After your silent date, you can ask your date: “You know, I really wanted to know what you were thinking when you were looking at those colorful wildflowers?” The answer
might be surprising!
So, you see,
the silent date requires that each person pay extremely close attention to the other as you both strive to determine meanings. This can only be a good thing. Too often, what a person actually says does not always reflect what he or she really means.
Spoken communications are often misinterpreted. But a silent date gives the daters deeper, more subtle insights into each other. Ironically, silent dates actually enhance communication in the long run. It does that by forcing the daters to confront the process of communication from a new and more profound level.
We could go on and on about the magical wonders of the silent date, but the benefits can only be
decided by trying it.
It would takes a lot of courage, and more
than a little optimism and self-confidence, to suggest a silent date,
but an open-minded and fun person would at least consider it and be willing to give this bold idea a try.
People who agree to a silent date are guaranteed to be interesting people — and better yet, you may just have the most interesting and memorable dating experience of your life. You may even fall in love.
For more dating
articles, try our Articles List!
|
