By Lorena Maverick
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We keep the yacht small because we do not want to carried away, but what we do really want is that successful lawyer, doctor, investment banker, tech guru to fall in love with little old us and to carry us away from it all, or at least most of it. Most of us have dreamed this dream of mating rich, few of us will admit to it, but is the reality of dating or marrying a successful professional or business single the picture-perfect situation of our dreams? Now don't mean this question in a negative sense, but what are the more realistic challenges of scheduling, goal reaching, , personality, and relationship building when you are dating a driven professional? What is a professional or business single? Technically, a professional singles is any single person who holds a "white collar" job, owns a business, or practices a profession, such a doctor or a lawyer. A successful business professional may be an entrepreneur business titan or a driven corporate executive, chugging up the ladder toward big-bucks bonuses and tycoon status. Either way, I think you get the idea. Here we are talking about that driven someone who probably has a college degree, maybe several, someone who is determined to succeed and who probably enjoys the finer things in life, but also enjoys the fierce challenge of success. A driven professional is one who wants to make the very most out of his or her profession or business. They are not satisfied with a 9 to 5 career. They are instead looking for every possible opportunity to break the success barrier and to go allout-speed to the pinnacle of their chosen field. Does this make them a bad person? Does this make them a person who cares for no one but themselves? Hardly, in fact the world needs driven individuals like these successful professionals, public servants, and business builders. Where would we be if the Rome had not possessed so many driven individuals; or if the Egyptians had decided that "thinking big" was too much trouble and decided to skip the pyramids? Many of the most successful success stories of United States literally drove themselves across a vast country, "going West" to seek their fortunes. Drive to succeed can be extremely seductive, but be careful. Do not get too carried away with the externals. If you date a jerk because he's a doctor, or go out with a witch because she's an investment banker, you are still dating a jerk or a witch. When your heart is torn out by the roots, it will not matter much whether the source of your loss wears a $1500 Armani suit or shops at Neiman's. The point here is, though, that there is nothing inherently wrong with a person who is driven to get the most out of themselves, and their opportunities, that they can, but what are some of the downfalls that may be in store for you if you date a driven professional or type-A business single? The Job Comes First Yes, the Job comes first and is always somewhere on their minds. Always. Picture this. The two of you are out on a perfect dinner date: candlelight, an amusing chardonnay, steak tartare, or a delicious vegetarian alternative, and the cell phone goes off. And s/he answers it. If a "big deal" is in the works, you don't stand much of a chance in finishing that dinner. You can argue that the same would be true if you dated or married a cop or an nurse, but then you would be able to say that your loved one rushed off to save a life. You have no such empathetic fallback with a deal. If you date a successful professional or business person, then you are going to have to learn to live with "the big deal," or the big client, or the crucial case, or the critical patient. Perfectionism Successful people are told constantly by the media, and their mothers that they are special, better, perfect. Highly driven professionals are often perfectionists, setting a standard for themselves in their work, and carrying it over to their personal lives. Especially successful people may be used to people asking "how high?" when they say jump. When they get home, it is tough for them to learn to say, "please, jump." Time away from home - This means time away from you. Even with the wonders of the internet, text messaging, twittering tweaks, and cross-continent virtual meetings, successful professionals and business people are always going spend a lot of time, on the job, working on the commuter train, or in their home offices, between innings at the game. They are just going to be busy, a lot. They go to the office everyday, stay late. Maybe they will need to jet out of town, often, stay days or a week or more chasing the tail of the next big deal. If they are very driven, count in weekends, early mornings, late nights. You might go days in which you do not see each other. So, What Are Some of the Remedies to This Situation? Communicate Sounds too simple? It is not. Repeat, communicate. If you don't, you won't have a relationship for long, not a happy one anyway. Have ongoing calendar checks. This sounds clinical, but it will give you a framework from inside which you can build some type if expectation, and it will serve notice to the busy professional that he or she has another person's time to take into consideration. Don't worry, busy professionals like notices, they like calendars, too. Generally, they will themselves have several. Always talk once a day. Both of you must be committed to speaking to each other daily. It might be for only 5 minutes at 2 a.m. but it will make a difference. Be Understanding If you choose to date a driven professional or successful business person, you have tacitly agreed to the upside and downsides of this situation. This does not mean that you have agreed to be a doormat, a dishrag, a lap dog, or kitten. However, many of the factors outlined above are part of what makes this person successful. If they change, and become less successful, will they have broken an expectation with you? You may not think so right now, but the media and the office water cooler crowd are full of stories about people whose marriages and families have faltered with their businesses and careers. You must understand that this crazy busy-ness is part of working your way to the top. Set Expectations, Clearly While you are working on being understanding, your doctor, lawyer, investment banker, tech tycoon must also understand that, although they might have to take a call at dinner, they should keep it as brief as possible and let their callers know that they cannot speak fully at that moment, but will call back as soon as they are free. Your date or mate should understand that you will not always put the cork back in the bottle. Try to express this in a reasonable and supportive, even teasing, way. Tell them that it's better not to be so easily available and that it will enhance their rep, make them seem extremely cool under pressure, and give them the cache of a true hot property. Of course, if your beloved is a heart surgeon, all bets may be off on this one. However, make sure though that even your love the heart surgeon knows that you will expect the two of you to pick up where you left off when the emergency is passed. You want to be seen as a hot property, too. Perfectionism - How hard is it to be perfect? No one is perfect, including your love partner. That being said, we probably all have idiosyncrasies that some would consider a trait of perfectionism. Professional and business singles are no different. They must have a perfectionist's grasp of details, actions, and results in their their jobs or careers. Otherwise, they are just average joes, or janes, and will not be seen as the star players in their respective careers. Take the perfectionism in stride and recognize that you probably have some traits that drive your partner nuts. Identify, recognize and adapt Those three words will go along way in helping you and him, or her, to overcome the worst of their perfectionist ways. As for the rest, as long as it is clear that you both recognize this perfectionism for the spillover obsessive-compulsive issue that it is, your partner's knowing that he or she will not be too harshly judged or severely punished for behavior that they probably cannot help anyway will go a longer way toward making them appreciate you and your support. Let's summarize: Dating a driven professional or business single will probably entitle you to a lifestyle that leans towards the finer things in life. Remember that yacht? Their success would probably ensure a future of financial stability and a golden retirement. Dating a successful professional or business single may also bring you many hours of lonely times and interrupted plans while your jason chases his golden fleece. If you can see a person for what he or she is and can accept both the strengths and faults of their demanding careers, and if that person otherwise meets what you deem as the perfect mate for you, then dating a driven professional or business single might the best thing you will ever do. Good luck!
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